We decided that a bunch of the over the top frocks worn at yesterday’s Met Gala were so fabulous they deserved their own theme song.
We hit up the ever reliable kids over at the interns and set them the challenge of picking a soundtrack for each gown, a GOWNTRACK if you will.
Rihanna: Touch Sensitive - Pizza Guy
Riri was many things at the Met Gala. She was a Chinese empress and she was probably the best dressed considering the theme. But she was also an omelette, the yellow brick road and most importantly a pizza. When RiRi arrived she may as well have announced herself with “delivverrrryyyy!” There was enough pizza in that trail to feed the whole of hungry Hollywood - hold the cheese stuffed crust though (too many carbs).
Anne Hathaway: DMX - Where The Hood At
Where the hood at, you ask? Anne Hathaway knows where the hood at. Channeling a gold-plated little red riding hood, Hathaway’s cape was all about the hood and as DMX says, “You better bust that if you gon’ pull that”. And she does bust that - busts a move.
Kim Kardashian: Beyonce - Freakum Dress
According to Beyonce, “when you been with your man for a long time (oh) every now and then you gotta go back in the closet and pull out that freakum dress.” Kimye have been married for a minute now and it looks like Kimmy K took a trip into Beyonce’s closet, pulled out that freakum dress and bleached it white to keep her man interested. Kanye’s reaction? Swish! (don’t let the above photo fool you)
Sarah Jessica Parker : Little Dragon - Wildfire
Carrie would’ve pondered to herself, “how do I pay homage to Dragon Ball Z, while still remaining fashionable?” Parker looked like a fire-breathing dragon, with a wildfire breaking out just above her head. “You’re like a wildfire, you got me rising higher,” Parker sang to her dress as she towered over everybody at the Met Gala. If we want to make things really literal we can also point out that this song features Little Dragon.
Kris Jenner: Kanye West - Devil In A New Dress
Kris Jenner is wearing red from head to toe and Jenner is Kanye West’s mother in law. Comprendo? Jenner “love Jesus but she done learned a lot from Satan,” as Mr. West raps.
FKA Twigs: Madonna - Erotica
While everybody else was just going naked, FKA Twigs decided to wear the naked bodies instead. Twigs is pretty new to these celebrity red-carpet events so we’ll excuse her for not knowing that wearing a penis is usually not kosher. However, her unbelievable figure clad with naked bodies was the sexiest thing about the Met Gala. When she arrived she may as well have introduced herself by saying, “My name is Dita, I’ll be your mistress for tonight, I’d like to put you in a trance.”
Mary Kate & Ashley: Frank Sinatra - Witchcraft
The Olsen twins may have slightly misinterpreted the theme of the Met gala and come as characters from Roald Dahl’s The Witches. Their cheeks are gaunt, their bodies looks frail and they’re drowned in black ashen coats. It’s those eyes though that immediately cast a spell. They’re hollow, but powerful. Quick! Someone see if they sink.
Exactly a year after she kicked Jay Z in an elevator Solange made sure she avoided elevators by wearing an outfit that would not be able to fit in an elevator. Solange literally looked like a silver vinyl record on the night, looking flawless but barely leaving any room for her to see above it or move her arms. Solange would’ve had a very difficult time sitting down and trying not to knock the man with hors d’oeuvres. She looked like a million bucks (or should we say like a 20c piece?), but in terms of practicality, goddammit, some things never seem to fucking work.