With the interns being such seriously seasoned festival goers, we couldn’t think of anyone better to put in charge of assembling a starter kit for everyone’s fave Australian music festival - Splendour In The Grass.
1. An Official Hashtag
E.g. #KateAndBritsMagicalSplendourExperience Before you look after your own personal comfort, you’re going to want to let your friends back home know how much fun you’re having. The best way to do this is create a hashtag so you can store all your 140 character reviews in one place. After the festival you can simply search for hashtags on Twitter and find all your tweets - “Allday is killing it”, “The Wombats are killing it”, “Florence started slow but now she’s killing it”.
2. A Money Belt
Even though we’d all like to convince ourselves that Splendour is a home away from the outside world, it still trades in money (fairy dust and good deeds just don’t work). The way it works, for example, is you will hand over money and in return you will get organic doughnuts. Don’t risk losing dollar coins through holes in your pocket. Pull out that money belt your Mum gave you when you went to yacht week in Croatia and own it.
3. A Solar Charger
Provided that you couldn’t find a pager because it’s not 2002 anymore, you might need to rely on your phone. No matter how far you turn down your screen backlight and stop yourself from playing Kim Kardashian’s app, you will run out of battery. It’s 2015 now and we have solar powered chargers which means your phone could actually charge in your pocket. Everyone would love to go a weekend without a phone but unfortunately us Gen Ys have lost that natural instinct that our parents possess which allows you to operate without a smartphone. Like, how do you even show your friend which toilet block you mean without snapchat?
4. Good Taste
“I believe that bad taste is vulgar,” said the modern messiah Kanye West. Assuming you want to live your Splendour weekend by the motto “Do What Yeezy Would Do (D.W.Y.W.D)”, you’re going to want to make good decision when it comes to good taste. That means leaving things like indian headdresses, bindis and cornrows at home if they’re not part of your cultural fabric. People will notice you for the right reasons if your outfit is on-point. Don’t be the one who missed the memo that cultural appropriation in order to channel your Inner-hippy is just a little misguided.
5. Warm Clothes
Byron has the potential to gift us with beautiful, sunny days but as much as we’d like to deny, deny, deny, it’s still winter and the nights are freezing. Nobody will judge you for leaving your swimsuit at home and bringing a sensible jacket instead. This week, Byron Bay has experienced lows of below 10 degrees and, as Australians, we have a warped perception of what’s cold. At Glastonbury - not cold. At Splendour - basically the beginning of the ice age.
6. The Muscubag
You can take the warm clothes memo to an extreme if you really like and purchase the muscubag. The muscubag is a wearable sleeping bag that ensures the process between leaving the festival and sleeping is seamless. Sure, you’ll look like a moving marshmallow but have you ever met anybody who didn’t feel anything but endless love for marshmallows? Constantly walk on clouds this Splendour with the muscubag.
7. A Blow-Up Mattress
The temptation will be there to lighten your load and bring a yoga mat to sleep on. It’s a great idea, until you actually have to go to bed. The fact of the matter is that the furthest away from the cold ground you can get, the better. Also, do you want to bust the appropriate moves during Flight Facilities? You better make sure you alleviate all risk of back pain and treat yo self to a comfortable sleep.
8. Band aids
Sorry, but there’s literally nothing funny about a band aid. It’s purely a practical thing. When you have run from act to act and see 14 bands in newly-bought gumboots, you’re likely to get a blister. You can either tough it out because you think Splendour is some test of your bodily endurance or you can ensure that pesky blister doesn’t get any bigger and pop a band aid over it. In the rare case that you don’t need them, you can use the excess to dress up like Nelly. Win-win.
Your sunglass game for Splendour needs to be so tight. This is literally the only opportunity you get to be practical and look excellent. Time to throw-out those fake fluoro Ray Bans you bought on Kuta Beach and those Kanye West glasses that were funny at parties in 2007 and get yourself some proper, sun-safe stunners. You too could look as badass as Joan Didion.
10. A Statement T-Shirt
This is your chance to really tell other festival-goers who you are. Are you one of Drake’s woes? Are you part of Shlohmo’s WeDidIt crew? Are you just an offensive twat? Splendour is not the time to pull out your plain white tee leave that for supermarkets and public transport. This is your chance to make people stare at your chest for the right reasons.
11. A Pager
We know what you’re thinking this is so Jamie Lee Curtis in Freaky Friday circa 2000s but bear with us. Pager’s won’t use your mobile data and while you won’t be able to check-in on Facebook at the best weekend of your life, you’re guaranteed to have more friends by your side this way. Set a meeting spot and when someone beeps your pager, squad assemble you’ve now got 5 minutes to make it to the Smirnoff tent and meet your friend who lost the group earlier when she decided to chat up security to get backstage and heckle Mark Ronson.
12. Garbage Bags
For the pessimist, the household garbage bag is a carrier of waste but for the opportunist, its uses are endless. Should it rain, the garbage bag will become a very important part of your Splendour experience. You’ll use it to sit on when the ground is wet because your bum deserves better than that, you’ll poke holes in it to fashion it into a poncho and you’ll tie it around your feet to design haute couture, waterproof footwear. Should you get lost, the garbage bag will also become your SOS flag. Then, at the end of the festival, you put your smelly clothes in it and part ways with your temporary best friend for another year.
13. A Laminated Timetable
Want to attract new friends like a moth to a flame? Get the Splendour timetable and laminate it. There’s always a lack of timetables on display at Splendour and most people forget that there even was a timetable to begin with so they will be on the lookout for organised folk like yourself. Even better, bring an assortment of whiteboard markers and mark the laminate with who you want to see and where. Then let your new friends mark where they’re going to be so you can meet up. Sure, you’ll get the odd one that marks it with a phallic-shaped symbol. Your new friends are cheeky and immature but they know every word to Blur and you need that sort of friend.