If you've ever seen an ARIA Award in real life, you'll know it's a few kilograms of cold, hard, shiny metal, chiselled to an impressive point. Many regard it as a symbol of their musical success, a sign that they've made it, the music industry validating their art at a fancy public event...
...others think of it as a murder weapon, and we're gonna tell you why.
ARIA-winning Sydney singer/songwriter Montaigne took home the pointy award back in 2016 when she won Breakthrough Artist for her album Glorious Heights. It's been sitting in her bedroom somewhat unassumingly, but today Montaigne's shared a tale of almost being impaled by the thing today and it is amazing.
Just check out this thread:
Y’all, the wildest shit just happened.
— Montaigne (@actualmontaigne) September 16, 2019
I incurred a third grade ligament tear to my left ankle about a month ago as a result of falling off the wall while going indoor bouldering and I’m now at the tail end of recovery — rehabilitating my strength and regaining stability in my ankle.
— Montaigne (@actualmontaigne) September 16, 2019
The physio told me today that I should try to do my calf raise exercise while carrying weight, and I have no gym weights at home, so I decided I’d fill a backpack full of heavy stuff I own.
— Montaigne (@actualmontaigne) September 16, 2019
The heaviest thing I own is, undeniably, my ARIA award. That shit is at least a few kilograms of hard, pointy metal. I first threw in a copy of 1Q84 by Haruki Murakami, then Jerusalem by Yotam Ottolenghi, then my ARIA award on top. The bag does not zip.
— Montaigne (@actualmontaigne) September 16, 2019
Bag exhibit A: pic.twitter.com/90IJy4pmq7
— Montaigne (@actualmontaigne) September 16, 2019
So I picked the bag up and put it on my backpack, swung around to step to the wall so I could hold myself steady while I did the exercises, AND MY ARIA FELL NOSE FIRST OUT OF MY BAG AND IMPALED MY FLOORBOARDS. pic.twitter.com/8KFMpG3YJb
— Montaigne (@actualmontaigne) September 16, 2019
Let me tell you, it was loud and heavy af, and I’m real glad my foot wasn’t where that hole in the floor now is. My housemate was in the next room and she masterminded this amazing picture of me doing a Leaning Tower of Pisa-style pic with my own fucking ARIA award. pic.twitter.com/RHFrbH6DvX
— Montaigne (@actualmontaigne) September 16, 2019
It looks very deliberately placed, as if an exhibit in an art museum, and I am not moving it until it becomes not funny. Here it is with some nasturtium flowers from the backyard to establish its eminence of place pic.twitter.com/ZoBV7IwJ08
— Montaigne (@actualmontaigne) September 16, 2019
Now you know to be careful where you put that thing.
