What: ‘Face the Music’. Music industry conference.
Where: Lvl. 8, ANZ Pavillion, Fairfax Studio and Members Lounge Dining Room—Arts Centre, Melbourne. Clemenger BDDO Auditorium, National Gallery of Victoria.
Provisional List of Acronymns Encountered Over the Weekend Starting With the Letter ‘A’: APRA/AMCOS/ARIA/AMWE/AIR/AAM/A&R/ANZ/AMIN/ALRC
Elements of the Victoria Arts Centre That Initially Seemed Symbolic of the Record Industry’s Supposed Decline (But Post-Conference Seemed Less Symbolic):
- Eerie dining tables in the Members Dining Room and Curve Bar entrance, awaiting some kind of ghostly silver service.
- Hallways and landings of deep crimson carpets, painstakingly polished brass railings and spotless glass walls. Populated only briefly in moments of collective human transit. (refer to pic above)
- The glittering costumes of the Sydney Dance Company, gilded with visibly aged finery, a cadaverous apparition of pantomime royalty (refer to pic below)
- The presence of heavy, wooden doors, scratched with wear, and certain over-large furniture, the remains of opulence and style from former decades.
- The basins in the street level bathrooms near the café, where the water gushed onto brown slate then slid off the back and into oblivion. The cutting edge of the early 80s.
Things that the ‘What the Festival!’ Seminar Had in Common with the Strutted Purple Skylight of the ANZ Pavillion:
- Both the skylight and Big Day Out promoter Ken West assumed we would find their precociousness endearing. They were both sort of right.
- Both the skylight and Ian Jorgenson from Camp A Low Hum seemed to both say a lot without really talking.
- Both the skylight and the ‘Guy in the Front Row with Most of A Beard and Hat Backwards’ (GFRMBHB) registered no embarrassment as the skylight shone its gaudy light over the entire pavilion and GFRMBHB ‘asked’ when the “utterly fucked hipster movement” was going to end. They both should have been just a bit embarrassed. I definitely was.
Provisional List of Phrases Used During the ‘State of Play’ Seminar:
- “Access and equality”
- “Constantly evolving landscape”
- “Filtered down from peak organisations”
- “Implement responses”
- “Failure to adopt proper planning systems”
Elements Identified That Are “Holding the Music Sector in Australia Back” That Aren’t Piracy:
- Bewildering mass of red tape/gentrification resulting in closing venues
- Need to lift the restrictions on underage gigs, make them financially viable again.
- Cost of living/making music for artists. Particularly in Sydney, the 3rd most expensive city in the world.
Other Identified Elements:
- Piracy
Person Whose Role and Motives Remain Unclear in this Discussion:
- Old guy to the left of the panel, ensconced in a pink shirt and a lone table. Busily engaged throughout the discussion in throwing his arm up and huffing audibly. Finally, after breaking valiantly through the etiquette barrier, phrases like “it’s turning into an amateur industry” “I’ve been doing this for 30 years” (X3) and “bands without training shouldn’t play in venues” began to roll out of his huffing jaws. This resulted in a reluctant cloud of tense voices, thick with nerves and confrontation and the large mystery man continuing to talk over the panel long after they’ve abandoned him as something that needs to be addressed. The whole thing ended with “we’re all in this together”.
Amount of times “we’re all in this together” is heard in passing over the weekend:
- 4
Something That was ‘More Different Than People Imagine’ From the ‘Small Rooms, Big Dreams’ Seminar:
- The difference between $5 and $11 is more than $6. It’s the difference between people coming to your show, or not.
Something That was ‘More Similar Than People Imagine’ From the ‘Small Rooms, Big Dreams’ Seminar:
- Friends and fans. In the beginning, there is no difference.
Provisional list of Michael Gudinski’s key phrases from the ‘In Conversation with Michael and Matt Gudinski’ Seminar:
- “Kicking goals”
- “Hands dirty”
- “You have two partners in life, your wife and the tax department”
- “He fucked up his life and he fucked up a great band” (on Peter Garrett)
- “You youngsters”
- “bloke” (multiple uses)
- “I’ve done some facts here for a change”
- “Matt told me not to be too hectic”
The moment 5 minutes in where Michael Gudinski gave the audience exactly what they wanted:
MC: …And without further ado, I give you Michael and Matt Gudinski.
[rapturous applause]
[Applause dies off and the MC shrinks away from the mic. A deafening silence ensues. Eventually, after a painfully protracted pause, Michael Gudinski slouches onto stage, followed by his son Matt. A three minute Mushroom tribute video plays above their heads while they face the crowd, a monumentally satisfied smile spreading over Michael’s face. The crowd is now witnessing in full the power of self-made myth, knitted slowly and deliberately over time. The conversation starts shakily. The crowd want more. They want the man on stage to match the video they’ve just seen. Then finally, Mushroom Snr gives them precisely what they want.]
Mushroom Snr: Rapture’s a sit-down festival. What the fuck is that!?
[A wave of relieved cheers passes through the audience as the Gudinski they’ve been expecting finally arrives. Mushroom Snr smiles then stands up, turns his back to the audience and peels off his coat]
The Gudinski Message to the People:
- The Australian government needs to commit more money to the Australian music industry, and the industry needs to more to promote and support Australian bands.
Lasting Image of Matt Gudinski:
- “Don’t change yourself. Stay real to what you set out to do”
Lasting Image of Michael Gudinski:
- Fist in the air, a can of Red Bull raised to his lips.
STAY TUNED FOR PART 2
For Cool Accidents
