The first thought most people have after I tell them that I went to the One Direction concert is “Seriously? This chick is like 24 why does she like a band made for 13 year olds?” Does no one else find 8 year old girls screaming over boys twice their age a tad bit creepy? With the things that come out of their mouths, (I once heard a 12 year old scream “Fuck Me Harry!” and another discussing motor boating), I am amazed that the People Police don’t just abseil down from some helicopter, collect them up and say “Oh I’m sorry this person is completely inappropriate, I don’t know how they escaped”.  I didn’t even know what motor boating was until I was like 18! (Yes I was a late bloomer). Maybe it’s all those “misogynistic music business execs/illuminati members” (coz those are real *rolls eyes*) trying to teach ‘em young to go for older men so they can always have trophy wives? How about the solo 40 year old women at the concerts with no young children in their presence who have pictures of Harry Styles as their phone backgrounds? That’s totally normal right? Yet here I am a 20-something year old girl, around the same age (the youngest member is 21), liking their music; hell yeah I find them attractive, because they are! Why is that so weird or hard to understand? I came to the conclusion, while ricocheting between fawning over British boys and being disgusted at the youthz, that girls (or boys) my age are the only ones that really should be dropping their panties for 1D

This ruminating on age made my mind drift to another issue. The only thing sadder than seeing little girls in denim underwear is seeing middle-aged men try and reclaim their glory days in front of a bunch of kids unaware of said glory days. Now don’t get me wrong, McBusted were amazing! Their vocals and guitar abilities were on point, (although let’s be real guys there is no reason to have that many guitars on stage), there’s no doubt that the McBusted boys are good at what they do. Even though it was a guilty pleasure come true watching McBusted perform Year 3000, it was also like looking into the future, and what I saw was sad, sad, sad….like just really sad. Want to see a glimpse of what 1D would be like in their 30’s, in a boy band and still trying to run around an arena stage like an 18 year old? Just watch McBusted open up for the Boys Of 1Der (see what I did there). It’s definitely a reason to not stay in a boy band your whole life, it makes me look forward to 1D breaking up and going solo. Maybe one or two will be able to pull a JT and keep tween dreams alive.  Either that or I hope cryogenics technology makes significant advancements soon so that we can freeze 1D in all their misfit-t-shirt-wearing, voice of an angel, bedhead cherub looking glory.

To end my One Direction rant I want to also touch on the argument I constantly have with my friends about how boy bands suck. Without boy bands we wouldn’t have the Beatles, Mark Wahlberg, and god forbid, Justin Timberlake. Let me explain my previous statement before I get chased by the angry villagers with pitchforks. In the early years the Beatles were essentially a boy band with the exception that they played their own instruments and didn’t do choreographed dances. They dressed in matching outfits, maybe not as obnoxious as those of NSync and The Backstreet Boys, but matching none the less. During the early versions of the band, they sang covers and barely wrote their own stuff much like boy bands today, and don’t try and tell me that the early songs they did write are sophisticated masterpieces because lyrics like “She loves you yeah yeah yeah, she loves you yeah yeah yeah” aren’t that much better than “Everybody, rock your body, yeah”. Of course the Beatles evolved into something that outshines anything that any other boy band has ever done or probably will BUT the fact remains boy bands don’t necessarily end with the majority of members in rehab or burnt out. Mark Wahlberg started out in New Kids On The Block before quitting and joining The Funky Bunch as a “straight-edge” rapper. He has gone on to become an award-winning actor and producer of shows/films like Entourage and Ted. So even though boy bands may not be in their future they still make the world a better place by bringing you drug-addicted teddy bears. And lastly Justin Timberlake, that is all I need to say.

In short there is still hope for One Direction, although their music now may be commercially owned cookie-cutter pop (that I happen to absolutely love), eventually they, or some of them, may be able to move pass the apparent curse and do something great. Just wait for the rant about Girl bands, that will come shortly.

 

-Court W