We’re used to artists using the countdown as a marketing technique. It gets fans waiting with baited breath for something they’re not exactly sure of but have a slight inkling about. Those countdowns usually have you anxious for a few days, maybe even a week, or if you’re a fan of French producer Gesaffelstein - 60+ days. Last week the Frenchman cleared his website and set a countdown for 63 days with zero explanation of what was going on. September 11 is the date that all will be revealed but in a world where albums are now released mere hours after they’re announced, we can’t wait that long. In an attempt to cure our restlessness, here are six things that could possibly happen once the countdown finishes.
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He Decides That Coachella Wasn’t Actually His Last Live Show
This would be one of the good outcomes. Earlier in the year, the enigmatic producer announced that Coachella would be the “Last Gesaffelstein Live.” If fans weren’t upset then, they no doubt were when he tore the roof down with his final performance, reminding everyone that they want to see him at least five or six more times in their life. He’s yet to clarify whether it was simply the last live show in support of his debut record, Aleph or whether that is really it; kaput. This announcement could be a run of tour dates that reassure fans, as mysterious as he may be, he ain’t going anywhere.
He’s Finally Allowed To Say He Helped With Kanye’s Album
Gesaffelstein worked on Send It Up and Black Skinhead on Kanye’s last album Yeezus so maybe this countdown is a stunt thought-up by Kanye’s people to divert the attention away from the rapper and then hit everyone when they least expect it. Imagine, the countdown ends and then a headline reading “Gesaffelstein Helped Out With Two Songs On Swish, Here’s The Tracklist” popped-up. Everyone’s pretty tight-lipped about the album anyway so it wouldn’t be surprising if Gesaffelstein has had his lips taped shut about any involvement he may have had. Of course, this would also mean that he’s now officially in the illuminati.
He Forgets What It Was All About In The First Place
60+ days is a very long time. These days it’s easy to forget that you set a timer to remind you to take a boiled egg of the stove, let alone remember for almost two months that you’ve got to announce something. In this case, we suggest he just quietly removes the countdown and, if fans ask, tell them it was a private timer counting down to his tropical island holiday that accidently went public. They’ll understand. The French, in particular, are very understanding.
He Reveals That He Is Indeed One Half Of Daft Punk
When you think French electronic producers you think Daft Punk and Giorgio Moroder. And then you remember that Giorgio Moroder is actually Italian and so then you’re just left with Daft Punk. That’s if you’ve been successful in wiping David Guetta from your mind. Anyway, the point is, if there’s only two electronic producers in France, then Gesaffelstein has to be in Daft Punk. He’s mysterious like Daft Punk and the two artists worked on the same songs on Kanye’s Yeezus. Coincidence? Hardly - all could be revealed very soon. There’s one major problem with this and that is that he would’ve only been 12 when Daft Punk released Homework. It would also make this photo of Gesaffelstein allegedly standing next to an unmasked Daft Punk at a Pharrell concert impossible. But they’re just minor details.
He Announces His Retirement From Music
This would be very cruel, very cruel indeed but Gesaffelstein’s brand of electronica is brutal. It would be inline with his image then to put people through all this pain, only to inject them with some more pain. If this happens we imagine he’ll simply post a video of himself disappearing into smoke.
He Releases New Music
We have learnt to expect the unexpected from Gesaffelstein but this really is the most logical conclusion to the countdown. When the clock strikes zero, we’re hoping he’ll drop new music or even a new album that comes complete with a gold-plated vinyl. He’ll scale the heights of everybody’s best of 2015 lists and all will be okay in the world thanks to this Frenchman’s dark, mind-distorting beats. Aleph will have a friend and we will have yet another life-companion. Sounds like it’s a win-win for all.
-Sam Murphy
