Given that we all experienced the Triple J website’s major meltdown on Monday, it’s safe to say that everyone left their Hottest 100 votes until the last minute. Which means you can now sift through the onslaught of Facebook posts listing everyone’s favourite songs of 2013. People have spent the past months agonising over longlists and shortlists for this very moment. Your vote, and your choice to broadcast it, says more about you than you realise. As your mates’ votes spill onto social media, make sure to have a close look and cross-check them with our handy field guide, to get some pseudo-psychological insight into your friends’ inner workings.
The Music Connoisseur
This is that friend who keeps complaining that Triple J has become too commercial, and is “just not the same, man”. You’re perplexed that this person voted in the Hottest 100 at all. Though it does give them an opportunity to show everyone how cool and totally not mainstream they are, unlike a certain taxpayer-funded radio station they could mention.
Look out for: songs that never got played on Triple J last year
The Number One Fan
Did you know their favourite band released an album this year? Well, now you do.
Look out for: more than five votes for one artist
The Nova Listener
This person dips in and out of Triple J, usually when their favourite commercial station is out of broadcast range. But they’re going to a Hottest 100 party so they thought they’d better throw in a ballot.
Look out for: Lorde, Daft Punk and, I don’t know, Flume, I guess. He released something last year, yeah?
The Genre Devotee
The average listener likes to bitch about the amount of skip-hop and metal being played on the J (which is not a lot), but this rare breed of voter, is the obscure genre champion, much to the annoyance of everyone else.
Look out for: If they’re a hip hop person: Kanye, Horrorshow, and that really awful song about shutting up on trains. If they’re a metal fan: AFI and The Amity Affliction, but not that Lana Del Rey cover.
The Feminist
The one who complained throughout the year that there are not enough female artists being played or taken seriously in the music industry, in a year when a female artist is tipped to take the number one spot for the first time.
Look out for: all female artists.
The Teenage Girl
If Death Cab had released anything this year, they’d be onto it, but they’ll have to settle for all the other twangy indie pop the J plays. Most likely your little sister or cousin.
Look out for: #JungleGiants, #VanceJoy and #lots of #hashtags
The Minimalist
While some agonise over narrowing down 100 tracks to just 10, this person couldn’t even fill the quota.
Look out for: that one song they liked this year
The Goldfish
What came out latest in the year is freshest in voters’ minds, but this person can’t seem to remember anything before December 2013.
Look out for: songs released in the last week
The Year-long Coma Sufferer
Keeps trying to vote for songs that came out last year, swearing they heard them for the first time only a month ago.
Look out for: an attempted to vote for Thrift Shop.
-Nat T
